I believe as early as childhood, ghosts of this sinful world began to follow me. Sinful actions or decision made by myself or others would gnaw at me for days, weeks, months or even a lifetime leaving me feeling haunted by these ghostly memories.
There are things that torment me, or try to, when I close my eyes to sleep at night. I have found sometimes they just zing past me randomly throughout the day. I imagine there are ghosts above my head swirling around laughing and issuing fiery darts past my mind. A lot of times as they whizz past, I glance at them and shake them off. Other times I see them straight on and that’s when they cling to me and torment me all day long, bonking me on the head continuously as to say, “You are so dumb. I can’t believe you did that. You’re a terrible person. Why did you let that happen?”
These aren’t true. If I really, really believed in my Savior’s promises (that I am precious, a child of God, an heir to the Throne, a beloved daughter) I would know that these are lies. And yet…I still entertain them. Why? Why is it that some days I cower before them and nod my head continually, “Yes, yes. You’re right. I am all those things. I am a terrible person”? I’ve come to realize that when I’m feeling especially tortured by the past sin lurking in the corner it coincides with my lack of time spent with my Father.
This is one reason why I’ve realized asking the Lord to fill me daily, and especially in the morning, is so crucial to the strength of my walk. There will always be ghosts of my past trying to haunt me. Keyword: trying. The great hope I have is that as I draw closer to the Lord, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I am able to repel those lying darts of hell quicker and quicker while eventually ignoring them altogether.
It’s like the Holy Spirit works as an oxygen tank, breath to our spiritual lungs. I inhale the Holy Spirit, asking Jesus Christ to fill me in the morning, and throughout the day slowly exhale until I need to take a breath again. I cannot speak Truth without the filling of the Holy Spirit no more than someone could have a conversation without air in their lungs. And I believe, as I mature as a Christ-follower, I will realize how much more breath I need for ministry…how many more times I need to ask the Holy Spirit to fill me throughout the day. As the Holy Spirit fills me, He empowers me to accomplish His will and those ghosts will fade to nothing.
Charles Spurgeon compared the Holy Spirit to sap in a tree taken from Psalm 104:16, “The trees of the Lord are full of sap”.
“We do not understand the circulation of the sap (of the Holy Spirit), by what force it rises, and by what power it descends again.” Charles Spurgeon
I don’t understand, entirely, why there is the inhale and exhale of the Holy Spirit. My assumption would be reliance. But that subject is for another day. What I truly desire to say is that there is a guarantee of tribulation and temptation to entertain the ghosts in our lives–daily! Sometimes it even feels as if moment by moment. And I feel frustrated and tormented and depressed and defeated. But to God be the glory!! I cannot do it on my own. I cannot slay the ghosts. I cannot run from them. I cannot counsel them away. What I can do is run and leap into the arms of my Savior (1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you), I can bury myself in the Word, bathe in it and soak it in. I can deeply inhale the Holy Spirit to empower me and be filled by day, hour, minute, second because by His power mountains are moved and chains are broken. I have been set free from sin and shame–those ghosts have no power against the Light.
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NKJV
“Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin….So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” John 8:34 ESV
“Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—” Ephesians 6:14, 16-18 NKJV